How to Make Your Own Wedding Bouquet

I don’t want to spend 10 hundred million dollars on wedding flowers. Nor do I want to ruin the entire planet because I had flowers grown on some mowed down rainforest and fertilized by the corpses of endangered monkeys or whatever courtesy of some terrible floral multinational corporation.  But mostly, yeah, I’m a cheapskate.

The problem is, we are getting married in the middle of nowhere (ok, only like 40 minutes from town) and we are going there 3 days before the wedding. So, my dream idea of just picking some flowers from the farmers market day of isn’t going to work. Here’s what I’m trying instead:

Bouquet of random stuff in my yardStep One: Plant a bunch of flower seeds in pots in April for your August wedding. If you are getting married some other time, sorry.

Step Two: Water them. Mulch them so they don’t dry out. Become disturbed when you realize all the sunflowers are looking exquisite, riotous and so perfect for your wedding vision A MONTH EARLY and that it’s too late to plant another round of them to be ready in time.

Step Three: A couple weeks before your wedding, pick some flowers and jab them in a vase. Leave it in the sun for a while to see how the flowers hold up. Become depressed that the echinacea wilts instantly after you pick it. The zinnias, sunflower, bunch grass, dill flowers, and marigolds are still rocking after 5 hours though.

Alternate Third Step: None of your flower attempts worked, and the week before your wedding, everything is horrible. Go to the nearest locally owned place that sells potted flowers that are in bloom and buy a bunch.

Step Four: (Editor’s Note: I haven’t done this yet, but this how I imagine things will happen). Bring the potted flowers that survived your rigorous testing methods to the park with you where you are having your wedding and set them in the sun just like at home. Hope that they don’t die in the car.  The morning of your wedding, pick a bunch and wrap some ribbon around them.


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